Thursday 24 November 2011

Would you be faithful to me?

Well, I completely lied in my last post, I wanted to see if I could write to fool people, I wanna be able to convince people things are true. I think I did an okay job, but not the best in the world, yet.
But here's what's actually happening in my life at the moment, I found the most amazing boyfriend in the world, I fucked it up, now I don't know what to do. He sometimes acts as if he wants to talk to me, then others he's a complete cunt.. He's pushing me away, and he's told me that's what he's doing.. But I don't know how long it's going to take for him to push me away completely, I don't want to lose him, but it's hard..
I can't write any more, I've got writers block, I just don't know what to say about the whole situation, but.. Things are okay.. kind of..

So I guess he's my favourite, right?

Been so busy with college and looking for a job, i haven't had time to write in my blog, I've got so much to let out, because i can't do it anywhere else.
Like I said in my last blog that I posted, me and Jordan broke up, we were on the verge of getting back together at one point, but we both couldn't do it to ourselves any more, we have grown up, grown apart, reading my first 3 blogs about him, about us, hurts so fucking much, SO fucking much, realising how much he meant to me, how much i fucking loved that boy, how we watched each other grow up.. Sounds so cliché, but so true, I loved him with everything I had, 3 years of your life with someone, you would think you grow very attached. I remember every single thing about him, and it's been about 7 months since we last broke up... I still miss every single thing about him, he was the best thing that ever happened to me, no matter how much we argued, no matter how much we told each other we hated them.. it was never true, I loved that boy with everything I had, I still do, and I never knew I could hurt like this, this feeling is the worst feeling I have ever experienced. I will stay in love with the boy who wont be named.. for the rest of my life, he was for a fact the best thing ever, he made me realise who I was, he made the real me, he showed me how to live and love my life. Now I sit here and wish I could go back in time, but I can't, and we can't make everything okay, we just threw the blame back and forth, but I've got to tell him how I'm feeling, so wish me luck.